Administration selects chimpanzee to head NASA

In a surprise move, the White House has selected Ham the chimpanzee to run NASA. In a brief statement, the White House press secretary said, “As this country’s first astronaut, this great ape has shown the same courage and commitment as our greatest space heroes. We have no doubt that Ham will have a positive impact on the agency. Despite years of training, chimpanzees have never developed the cost overruns, design mismanagement or political pork barreling that have typified recent NASA endeavors.”

In response to the accusation that all human candidates had either declined the job or been blocked by short-sighted politicians, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said simply, “It’s a jungle out there.” Having been dead for 20 years, Ham declined to comment for this article.